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April 29, 2025
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Most parents begin their journey with good intentions—hoping to support their children without judgment, pressure, or comparison. One mom, for example, made herself a promise early on: I will never compare my kids to each other—or to anyone else's.
But fast forward a few years, and she’s the parent of a second-grade daughter and a kindergartener son. And despite her best intentions, she finds herself slipping into familiar territory.
Just last week, while helping her son with his reading homework, she caught herself saying, “Your sister was already reading chapter books at your age—why is this still so hard for you?” It was a moment of frustration, and one many parents can relate to. She wanted her son to succeed—but in that moment, she realized she wasn’t helping him grow. She was placing pressure on him to meet someone else’s timeline.
She remembered how her daughter had picked up reading easily. But her daughter also had different interests, a different teacher, and a different learning environment. Her son, on the other hand, is creative, imaginative, and full of energy—but struggles to sit still for decoding practice. He’s bright in his own way. Just different.
This mom recognized that the real pressure wasn’t coming from her kids—it was coming from herself. She wanted to feel like everything was “on track.” But both children were progressing just fine. Their teachers were happy. There were no red flags. And yet, the subtle influence of other parents’ updates—reading levels, extracurriculars, math achievements—had planted seeds of comparison.
She also noticed how this was beginning to affect her kids. Her daughter would point out things she could do that her brother couldn’t. And her son, in turn, was starting to withdraw or become angry when he felt left behind. She realized that fostering comparison might damage not only their confidence, but their sibling relationship as well.
So, she made a conscious decision to reset. Instead of measuring her children against each other—or anyone else—she began focusing on individual goals that reflected each child’s strengths, needs, and interests.
Her son may not be reading chapter books yet—but he’s making progress. Now, she celebrates the small wins: sounding out a tricky word, choosing to read without being asked, or finishing a short book on his own.
She also changed how she talks about success. It’s no longer about who learns something first. It’s about persistence, effort, and growth. Whether it’s reading, building social confidence, or learning new routines, the focus is on progress—not perfection.
Most importantly, she committed to being her children’s steady support system. Whether they need academic resources, extra encouragement, or just time to figure things out, she’s ready to offer what they need—without rushing them.
Her story is one that many parents can relate to. Comparison is an easy trap to fall into—but it doesn’t have to define the parenting experience. When we focus on where our kids are, instead of where we think they should be, we create space for confidence, connection, and joy.
